Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
