Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
