I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
