i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
