i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
