how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
