My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize