I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
