U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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