Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
