i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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