I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I deserve this hangover.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
