OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
