so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
