They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
