I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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