You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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