i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
