I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
As shirtless as possible
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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