I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
