Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
