I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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