Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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