i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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