I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Lo siento on account of my penis...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
