Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
