drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
