and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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