oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There's always time for handjobs
She's just so happy...and so naked.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
