I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize