were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
