she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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