I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
