I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
