i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
