I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
