the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize