Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
