I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
