he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I deserve this hangover.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
