oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
