my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize