Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
