I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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