something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
