You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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