she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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