i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
