dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
