She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
