You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
