Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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