Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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