last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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