i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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