SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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