i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
