he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
