so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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