Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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