if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
