I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
