I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
