tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
