hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize