so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
