I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
