made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
