Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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