How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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