let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
