ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
