I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
